Florence Tsai, Beat the Monster in My Mind, C1
Good evening, everyone. I’m Florence. Is there any monster in your mind? Do you know what the monster here refers to? Well, it means the things you are afraid of. Some people’s monster may be loneliness or failure. They are the things that will hinder your life. As for me, the biggest monster in my mind is public speaking. Today, I’m going to tell you the story of mine.
As people see me at the first time, they always think that I’m a shy and timid person. Maybe It’s because my awkward behavior, small volume of voice and the silence during other people’s conversation. And yes, that’s true. I often feel quite nervous and uncomfortable when I have to talk to people in the typical social situations, such as meeting new friends and going to the second gathering. In these situations, I usually feel embarrassed because I don’t know what to say. It’s all blank in my mind when I feel really nervous.
These symptoms are just like SAD, social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia. People with this disorder may feel overly self-conscious, pay high self-attention after the activity, or have high performance standards for themselves. For me, I care too much about how I present in front of others and how other people think of me. As s result, I am fearful of making mistakes and which keeps me from making new friends and express myself.
Actually, I have been suffered from this situation since I was little. All was still fine until I entered junior high school. I got in a catholic girls’ high school, and then the most depressed time in my life came. To adapt to the new environment is difficult, let alone blend in a group of new people. So, my biggest obstacle at that time was not knowing how to be with my classmates. I lost the chance to make friends with them at the beginning. After that, it was much harder to get into their small group. I didn’t know what to do and I even dare not speak to them.
In consequence, some of my classmates thought that I was weird and too proud to speak to them. They talked bad behind my back and laughed at me. I felt pressured to go to school every single day. In the class, I only had one friend and I was isolated for three years. I was very vulnerable and autistic during those years. Going out of home and staying in a new place with strangers can make me feel very uncomfortable.
You may ask, how about now? I would say, with time, family and friends’ support, I have gradually got rid of the old timid me. So, how do I beat the monster in my mind? I think that the way to conquer is try to break your limits and get out of your comfort zone.
If I always stay at home and not going out to meet people just because I’m afraid to interact with them, then I will always be that shy little girl. And I won’t have the chance to make any new friends. I won’t have the chance to explore this wonderful world. And I will never have the chance to stand here and deliver my very first speech to all of you. Besides, I am really glad that I have some friends’ supports that make me become who I am now. With the encouragements of dear NTU Toastmasters members , I have the courage to sign up and give the speech here. So, do you think I have beaten the monster in my mind now? Thank you! TME